I need to stop coming to work sober
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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