Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize