): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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