were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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