Dual....:-)
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
