the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
