so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
