just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
