come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
