Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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