there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
