I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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