her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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