Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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