her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
