You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
