white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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