Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
