Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
