we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
