i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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