Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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