I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
