Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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