after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
