Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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