A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
