No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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