dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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