every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
