If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
