my vag is so smooth its legendary
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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