I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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