I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
