I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
