Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize