I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
