threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
