forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize