You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
