He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
