Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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