I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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