they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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