i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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