Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
