Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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