She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
