Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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