the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
