It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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