Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
