There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
