You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
