you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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