I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
