I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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