i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
