He passed out mid-signature
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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