guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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