she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
