you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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