Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
