I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
