i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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