It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
