wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
