I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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