why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
