at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
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